Funny Sh!t

doubleclutch · Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2010 9:51 pm Post subject:

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gnavs · Pea Shooter Joined: 30 Mar 2009 Posts: 463

I love this thread
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doubleclutch · Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2010 1:56 am Post subject:

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade"

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.
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Dewey · Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 1:30 pm Post subject:

Im going to hell. Again.

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gnavs · Pea Shooter Joined: 30 Mar 2009 Posts: 463

So over the line, but funny as hell Smile

I would love to see what would happen if you posted that on CVD...
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-1 boostedmk4 · Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 2:14 pm Post subject:

Holy God.

So far over the line!!!

But yes funny as hell!!!!!
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VwSweetHeart · Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 2:25 pm Post subject:

hahahaha that awesome!!!! so funny!!!
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MeXe · Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 2:48 pm Post subject:

I am offended Matt, I demand you remove that right now. Twisted Evil

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doubleclutch · Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:49 pm Post subject:

abortion motivator is fvcking awesome matt. after that your my hero, for the day.

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doubleclutch · Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 5:26 am Post subject:

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MeXe · Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:46 pm Post subject:

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need-a-dub · Not Stock Joined: 15 Mar 2009 Posts: 598 Location: calgary

haha i like that one.
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David Househead · Joined: 24 Mar 2009 Posts: 63 Location: Calgary

http://thingsthataredoingit.com/ Laughing

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-1 boostedmk4 · Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 12:30 pm Post subject:

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toplessvw · Pea Shooter Joined: 15 Mar 2009 Posts: 494

Someone emailed it to his Chinese doctor friend. The doc e-mailed back: "If the light stays on for more than 4 hours, call your erectrician."

Dewey · Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 5:34 pm Post subject:

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bonfire · Slightly Modified Joined: 15 Mar 2009 Posts: 816

HA HA HA HAHA. That is gold!

Dewey · Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 5:48 pm Post subject:

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NotoriousNRB · Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 7:23 am Post subject:

hahaha. nice. tissue box shotgun
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doubleclutch · Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 10:40 pm Post subject:

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the viole nt urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X
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MechEngg · Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 9:47 am Post subject:

Dewey, you just made my day. Thank you very much. That was amazing, showed it to my army buddy and he nearly pissed his pants laughing so hard
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